Improving the way we communicate with family members - Book Review of Crucial Conversations

I know that from both perspectives, many family members and staff who support individuals very often find themselves in a conflict situation where they don’t see eye to eye with the other party. I have heard from both sides about the worries and pressures of having to confront an issue or bring something up that is difficult to address.




I read this book recently and found it to be full of really useful insight and techniques for improving the quality of our conversations – particularly when it is a difficult or important subject matter. So I thought I’d tell you a few key things from it here.

Entering the ‘shared pool of meaning’
• Seeking to understand your own thought processes and assumptions and how that is shaping the things you are saying to the other person
• Seeking to understand the other person’s behaviour / perspective – why would they be saying / doing that?
• Not jumping to conclusions about the other person’s motives or actions but inviting them to share that information with you

Being aware of your emotions – make it a safe place to talk
• Welcoming the honest perspective of the other person
• Choosing not to feel threatened or defensive
• Spend time making it safe if conversation is starting to shut down.

Staying focused on what you really want
• Prepare before the conversation about what you want to achieve
• Keep focused on that goal and don’t allow yourself to be sidetracked into defending yourself / winning the battle

It’s an easy book to read and there are loads of examples. There is also a very useful chapter on what to do if you really can’t reach consensus with someone.

I strongly recommend reading it as I’ve found it relevant for every context of work and personal life. At the moment it’s not very expensive on Amazon.

If you do read it, let me know what you think.